Are your emotions getting the better of you?

Our life is like a motion picture. Unknowingly, we cast ourselves in the role of the main actor who acts, directs and produces the story that evolves during the course of our existence. In directing this story, we strive for perfection since we are seemingly in control of the whole production. For some people, they are ruthless when it comes to spotting any imperfection or weaknesses in them. Rather than lull themselves into a state of denial, they do a self analysis and work on their faults. 

 

On the contrary, other people fail to spot or deal with their weaknesses which could be related to lying or anger related problems. The two character traits have far reaching consequences to an individual. Not only does it overwhelm them, it ultimately consumes them. Their relationships with people become strained due to their uncontrollable anger or misplaced word said to purposely hurt or ridicule another person. Sooner of later, the person is labeled a trouble maker, or a bad team player who can’t get along with people. Usually this person with the attitude problem is the last to realise that people dread being in their company. 

It is easy to state that we have the power to control our mood swings by dwelling mostly on the positive aspect of our lives rather than on the negatives. Life is 10% what happens to us as individuals and 90% how we react to it. In reality, some people are not always in control of their lives and their emotions. These are two relative and distinct terms that is always used interchangeably. If their life is taking a progressively backward step, they seem to blame others, the government, the environment, the economy for their current state of lack. Even when some people are in control of their lives, they may still not be in control of their emotions.  And even when they are, the likelihood of living a life where their endurance will not be tested to the limit is remote.

True, no one is perfect. But what has continued to defeat my understanding, and one that I have struggled to come up with an answer to, is why we seemingly let our emotions get the better of us MOST of the time? Using another example, I have always wondered why it is possible for someone to go to bed in a happy mood, yet wake up the next day and be all grumpy and moody for no apparent reason at all. 

Also, why is it that some people take on board other people’s problems? For instance, it isn’t strange to find two people arguing in the streets. A stranger comes on the scene and instead of tying to placate the situation, will actually worsen the matter by taking sides. Another onlooker, bemused by the action of the stranger, will follow suit by acting in defense of the other aggrieved person. The problem then gets out of hand and becomes that of the two strangers and continues long after the other two people who were initially arguing had left. On other occasions, it may result in a free for all fight. When arrested by the police and asked to give a statement, the other people involved in the fight may not even know the actual cause of the fight.

However, rather than condemn the attitude of such people, it is important to note that they may be going through a multitude of issues such as work related stress, the hardship of life or an abusive relationships. Some of these people increasingly struggle to cope with their problems which could even be traced back to childhood (i.e. abandonment, neglect, domestic/sexual abuse, etc). In this regard, it is not uncommon to hear such people admit when they lose their anger; they weren’t really in control of their actions. 

It is natural to use anger as one of the human emotions. When it is not managed effectively is when it spirals out of control and it can breed resentment, frustration, repulsiveness and even un-forgiveness. People that seem to manage their anger do so, not with effortless ease, but recognise that it will be fruitless to harbour malice in their hearts which only serves to fester into a disease. For some people, when they are angry they may choose to direct their anger towards inanimate objects – smashing everything in sight. It has been argued by a school of thought that this method is an acceptable outlet to vent their anger rather than bottle it all up – which may cause more harm than good in the long run.

It is instructive to note that whilst some people are remorseful for their actions, others may be unapologetic and may even refuse to bury the hatchet if their directed anger at another person resulted in a rift. A process of professional and, or spiritual counselling may be required for them to overcome this psychological problem especially if it is related to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Be that as it may, whatever mood or behaviour you exhibit, good or bad, it is important to recognise that the aftermath of your actions can affect those around you. If your words hurt other people, they only serve to cause a rift.  If your words are kind and motivating, they help to encourage and inspire. 

Of all the human emotions that we daily exhibit, it is the expressive word that is the strongest. Perhaps, this is the more reason why a high premium is placed on the Emotional Intelligence (EI) of an individual than their Intelligent Quotient (IQ). The former places more emphasis on an individual’s ability to identify and manage their own emotions and that of others through positive words and feelings. Equally, it can reasonably be argued that the expressive word is more powerful than our thought process. The expressive or written word can wound or heal, soothe or anger, frustrate or lift up one’s self esteem. In the main, words have an emotional, spiritual or physical connotation attached to it. Either way, our management of words should not escape our consciousness. Sometimes it is better not to say a word that may cause a rift or injure someone’s pride. As Mark Twain rightly observed, he said “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause”.

If you let anger and un-forgiveness reside in your heart rent free, you are doing more harm to your health than to the person you are directing your anger or harbouring your un-forgiveness towards. As the old saying goes, “holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned”. Similarly, someone once said that un-forgiveness is like carrying a dead person around with you everywhere you go on your back. Inevitably your skin would begin to smell and rot away. The odious smell and the rot signify anger and an unrelenting need to rid your self of it. 

Can’t forgive? Won’t forgive other people or yourself? Did someone hurt you so bad you have vowed not to forgive them? Have you done something so bad you are unable to move forward in life because you are unable to forgive yourself?. Learn to forgive and accept other people’s wrongdoings. If you bottle it up, it will only continue to affect your relationship with people, your work colleagues, and your relationships with your partners and your children.  You can do one of three things: You can decide to forgive the people who hurt you by calling them. You can decide to make a conscious and concerted effort to admit you have an anger problem and work on it. Or you can decide to ignore this plea and simply get on with life. After all, you are the director, actor and producer of the motion picture in your life. How the motion picture turns out is up to you.